Womanhood!

Mini’s eyes were focussed on the mirror. For a moment, it seemed that her eyes had lost all life. She looked intently at the haggardly image of a twenty-year old – sombre, defeated, unsure, lost, in search of something she couldn’t quite define. Was she inadequate? Maybe she didn’t give it her all. Perhaps, she had missed something – some detail, that could have saved her first and only relationship so far. What more could she have done? Could she have been more brazen? Or more attractive? Maybe, she was just not cut out to be a good life partner!

Then again, this was not even her home or her mirror. If she looked into her own mirror, she would surely find all the answers.

This was Aditi’s home. Aditi was in Class six. Every week, Mini would walk to Aditi’s home to help her with her studies. Aditi was the daughter of a young widow, Babli Aunty, who had taken up a job offered by Eastern Railways, upon the untimely demise of her husband who worked there. There were evenings when Mini would keep ringing the bell, waiting for Babli Aunty to open the door. Sometimes, she couldn’t help but overhear between-the-sheets occurrences involving Babli Aunty and Abhijit, her colleague from Eastern Railways – often the cause behind the late replies to the doorbell. Mini didn’t mind all that, as long as Aditi’s lessons didn’t suffer. In fact, she was glad that Abhijit was with Babli Aunty. They make each other happy – Mini thought!

Mini was not even trying to suppress her tears – she had nothing left to be shed. The only sound she could her was the soft scribbling of words and flapping of pages. She knew she would have to move past her thoughts on her recent heartbreaking ‘ex’perience and concentrate on Aditi’s answers for the time being. In fact, tutoring was a good way of keeping one’s mind off the unpleasant events of life. It had been a few days and she really needed to bounce back. A loud voice on Babli’s phone, which was always on the Speaker mode, jolted Mini back to reality, breaking her train of thought!

-          Are you a fool? Why would a young bachelor like me get serious with a crazy widow like you? Have you forgotten how old you are? Why can’t you women just have fun and move on from there? Did I ever say I would marry you? Not to forget your crazy daughter! You b*#@h. Don’t you dare breathe a word about us to anybody. You are a woman – have some shame!

Wait a minute! Nobody would believe you – you are lonely, you are desperate, you are needy. Oh, you want a compliment? Well, I did like your curves…

Mini wished for a moment that she could shut her ears, and try not to look at the anguish and shame on Babli Aunty’s face.

But as Babli Aunty ended the call with a sigh, Mini didn’t see a defeated, lonely, woman – she saw a creature who had tided over the death of her biggest support system, and forced by circumstances, had grown self-reliant, raising her child on her own – she saw a being who was every bit desirable and had every right to question a man’s motive – she saw how a strong woman like Babli Aunty could be reduced to a mere piece of meat and expected to be devoid of dreams, emotions and hopes.

As Babli Aunty’s eyes caught Mini’s, she tried her best to hide her embarrassment. How strange that self-consciousness overpowers even the pain of rejection! But Mini’s eyes now twinkled with wisdom gained and pain sidestepped. As the two women sat for what seemed like a never-ending epoch, Mini’s reassuring gaze spoke in the brilliant eloquence of her silence –

“Don’t worry. I got rejected too, after being loved and praised and desired. I am only twenty – not a widow, not a mother, probably crazier than you! I admire the fact that you didn’t beg him to stay. If someone has to stay, he will stay anyway.

We are both women. Nothing else defines us. We were born to be used and tossed around. Maybe there are good men out there. We just haven’t met them!”

That put them both at ease.

Little Aditi’s question immediately rent the comfortable air:

-          Didi, can you explain this line to me from The Brook?

“For men may come and men may go,

But I go on forever”

Yes, women might say: ‘I slip, I slide, I gloom, I glance’, but if there’s one undying quality that the strong ones gain, it’s the power to keep going, keep flowing, keep nurturing, much like The Brook. And along this journey, they get lucky if they find a kindred spirit, a soul sister, so to speak – sometimes in someone like Babli Aunty, or a poet’s creation.

As Mini finished the lesson for the day, she checked herself out in the mirror – oh, what a wonderful girl I see – she nearly winked at herself. A loveable character in The Princess Diaries once said – “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” and he was right!

Before she left, she turned around and told Babli Aunty:

-          You should read the poems by Kamala Das. You can start with An Introduction. I will get it for you. I am sure you will enjoy it.